Like physical abuse, emotional abuse leaves scars.
While the word "abuse" conjures up images of black eyes, broken bones and other symptoms of physical violence, emotional abuse is another, albeit subtle, form of abuse that should not be ignored. The aim of emotional abuse is to strip the victim of self-worth and independence. In doing so, the abuser achieves a form of control that can be just as devastating, if not more so, than physical violence.
Instructions
1. Consider the amount of control your spouse exerts in matters of finance. An abusive spouse will insist on maintaining control of family finances, for example. He or she may restrict your access to money by putting you on an allowance and withholding access to bank accounts and credit cards. The abusive spouse may also rigidly dictate what you may and may not buy at the grocery store, or even steal money from you. Some abusers refuse to allow their spouses to work or actively seek to sabotage their careers. Others may dictate where their partners may or may not work.
2. Watch for signs of belittling behavior. Abusers often use put-downs and humiliation in order to exert control. When carried out effectively, this leaves the abused individual with feelings of depression, hopelessness and self-loathing.
3. Look for excessive criticism. The abuser is typically an overly critical individual, impossible to please. The abuser may complain about everything from food and housecleaning to the clothes their spouse wears. This constant ridicule leads the abused individual to feel as if he or she can do nothing right. This person will walk on egg shells, constantly attempting to please, yet knowing they never can.
4. Look for signs of isolation. Many abusers seek to isolate the abused in order to maintain control. To accomplish this, they will seek to interfere -- and ultimately end -- relationships the abused has with family, friends and co-workers. Isolation of the abused leads to an increased dependence on the abuser, thereby increasing his or her power.
5. Consider whether you feel safe. If your spouse has threatened to harm you, your children, him or herself, or others, take these threats seriously. While threats are tools of control wielded by an abuser, they are also warning signs of a very real danger ahead. Whether uttered or implied, threats of any sort should be taken very seriously.
6. Look for the well-worn cycle of abuse. It begins with an undesirable act -- such as a put down or insult -- and is followed by feelings of guilt and excuses. Ultimately, there is a return to normal behavior followed by another act of abuse.
Tags: emotional abuse, abused individual, abusive spouse, physical violence, your spouse