Simple coping measures can be employed to help you and your spouse deal with a deployment.
Coping with the reality of being a military spouse is no simple task. It is particularly difficult when you don't see your spouse for months or years at a time when they deploy. The stress of a separation is further intensified by the danger associated with deployments and the risk of possibly losing your loved one. Finding ways to deal with the harsh reality of a deployment while providing support to your deployed spouse is essential to preserving a relationship.
Instructions
Get Involved
1. Join your local FRG (Family Readiness Group) and connect with men and women who are going through the same thing you are right now. The support of individuals who can relate to your situation is extremely important and will help you cope with the separation. Get involved with the weekly meetings and event planning.
2. Volunteer in your community. Search out volunteer opportunities within your community and get involved as much as possible with a variety of charities. Filling your time with positive interactions and opportunities will help keep you in a positive mindset.
3. Join a gym and work out on a regular basis. Exercise is essential to keeping you healthy mentally, emotionally and physically. This will also provide an outlet for you to vent frustrations and extra energy.
4. Take continuing education classes through a local college. Pursue interests that you never expected to be able to pursue. If traditional college courses don't interest you, consider taking an art class or a cooking class.
Communicate
5. Speak with your spouse candidly and often about how you are coping. Keep him aware of everything you are going through and provide him with an opportunity to use you as an outlet for the stress he is managing. Try to keep your interactions positive and avoid pointless arguments. It is easy to slip into a pattern of negative behavior when you are feeling scared, worried, lonely and sad, but treating your spouse poorly will only make you both feel horrible and it will negatively affect your relationship. Seek professional counseling if necessary.
6. Send care packages and gifts to your spouse. Don't wait for a holiday or birthday, but send gifts randomly to show your spouse that you are thinking about her. Sending favorite food items, toiletries, magazines, books, music and mementos will improve the deployment experience for both of you. Your spouse will greatly enjoy getting the packages and you will take pleasure in sending them. This will give you an opportunity to connect despite the distance between you.
7. Set up long-distance cyber dates. Invest in a web cam and use a VOIP service such as Skype to have dates with your spouse. Eat dinner, share a book, flirt and laugh together or play a board game. Find unique and fun ways to spend time together. Setting up these dates in advance will give you both something to anticipate.
8. Serve as an outlet for your spouse and be understanding of her moods. Soldiers keep extremely odd hours during deployments. Often they are called upon to serve for 24-72 hours straight with little or no sleep. Staying up for three days in a highly stressful, dangerous environment is enough to make anyone grouchy.
9. Stay faithful. Do not stray in your marriage, but rather put it and your spouse first. Commit to your spouse and your marriage by avoiding temptations and finding positive outlets for your energy. You are both lonely, so seek solace in each other rather than in the arms of another.
Maintain Normality
10. Keep a regular schedule. If you have volunteered at your local soup kitchen every Friday afternoon, continue to do that during the deployment.
11. Stay on top of your responsibilities. Do yard work and manage repairs around the house as issues present themselves. Pay your bills on time and continue to work if you have a job. If you don't have a job, consider getting one. You might be tempted to stay in bed for the duration of the deployment, but shirking your responsibilities will just cause more stress on you and your spouse.
12. Spend time with friends and family. Attend family gatherings and consider doing Sunday dinners with your loved ones. Having family around you and using that support system will make it much easier for you to deal with the rigors of a deployment. Don't push people away and allow yourself to sink into depression.
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